Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I pour the whiskey from now on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
