the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
