i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
