Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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