I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize