i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
