I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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