remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
