dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
