Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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