we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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