my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
