I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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