cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
