he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
