So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
