He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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