i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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