i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
