Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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