Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
