I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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