Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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