So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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