wakey wakey hands off snakey
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
