YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
