my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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