More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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