Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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