She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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