So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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