I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
