I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
