So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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