Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
