The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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