I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
