People with herpes should wear stickers.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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