He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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