I think my vagina is haunted
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
