true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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