The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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