have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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