I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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