Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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