she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
