remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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