I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
