no, he came in my armpit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
