jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
