I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
