I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
