You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
