My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
