Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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