Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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