I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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