I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
