Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
