The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
