i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
