...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
