they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
