Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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