Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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