my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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