And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
