3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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